Wanting What I Have

I have been asked, as many of you have, what I want for Christmas this year about a hundred times!  In the past, especially when I was younger, I would gladly sound off my list of Christmas wants:  new clothes, gadgets, jewelry, you know, all the things I could not live without!  This year though I have found myself struggling to list what I want  which got me thinking... and that was a good thing. 

I needed to think about what I wanted, and most importantly, what I have.

To start off, I surely do not NEED anything.  I am blessed beyond measure. 

I have three beautiful children who are healthy and smart.  After ten years of teaching school full-time and struggling to be a mom and a teacher, I have found a part-time teaching position at my old high school, and I love it.  And after five years of back surgeries, health struggles, and  personal struggles that we could have never imagined, I finally have the man I married back, healthy and strong.  And even though there are wounds that are slow to heal, we are closer than ever because of all the pain.  I watched Don play football this weekend in the park and the sight took my breath away.  Just eight months ago, I thought I would never see that.  And in addition to all of that, we have found a church home, and recently became its newest members last month! Despite sounding cliche...Life is good! 

I said Life is good....not perfect, and I am ok with that!  Actually, I am great with that. 

As many of you know, this year has been tough for me.  I hate to even type that because I know that many of you have struggles far worse than what I went through. 

But at times this past year, I found myself wishing days away,

wanting them to pass by as quickly as possible. 

I wanted to survive the moment, get out of it alive, and as soon as possible.  And then

I found myself on my knees praying to God for strength and help.  And wouldn't you know it, things started to change.

 Eight months ago, I literally fell to my knees and begged God to help me,

my husband, my family.  My husband struggled with pain that I could not comprehend,

but with God and each other, he is well.  I am forever thankful for that. 

So in my pondering over what I want, I found myself thinking a lot about this past year; a year I wanted to forget.  Actually, less than a week ago, I told someone I could not wait to say goodbye to 2011.  Isn't it funny how we wish time away at certain points, and at others we try so desperately to slow it down?  For most of 2011, I simply wanted to survive moments.  I did not live them, cherish them, and hold them tightly.  I should have. 

Eight months ago, my Christmas list would have sounded a lot different than it does today.  I could have listed all kinds of things I would have wanted, things I thought I needed.  And I am writing this to hopefully explain to myself and others the journey I have been on this year.  It was hard, and it is not over, and I am ok with that.  Actually, I am great with that! 

So when I am asked this year what I want for Christmas, my reply will be...

 I want exactly what I have.

Merry Christmas to all of you!